Outsourcing Sheep

I can’t sleep. Again.

Approaching the problem logically, this doesn’t make any sense. I’m not under a great deal of stress. I lack a relationship to have issues with. I haven’t burned a village, forgotten to feed my fish, or committed any other moral wrongs that might hold me from enjoying a good night’s rest. My neighbors no longer fuck noisily at all hours of the night---and morning too, now that I think about it. She was a screamer. Anyway, the point is that I am free of outside distractions. But still I don’t sleep.

Well, I should clarify: I sleep fine. Better than fine, most nights I sleep like I’ve been put under, and it takes a minor Act of God to wake me. It’s getting to sleep that is the troublesome part.

Insomnia is a funny thing.

I can be tired until the moment that I lay prone in bed. Minor sensations become major events. Or maybe my ankle. A small itch is suddenly cause for concern. My sheets are suddenly uncomfortable; stretched too tight, bunched too loose. It’s too hot here, it’s too cold there. I try to clear my mind, thinking ‘sleep’ over and over. The day’s events drift forward for review, my mind haphazardly making any associations that it can. Regrets, hopes, people, crude jokes. Anything is fair game this late at night. I turn once, twice. Adjust my pillow. Maybe punch the pillow in frustration a few times. Eventually, my exhaustion vanishes. Nothing left to do but get up again. Meanwhile that stupid clock keeps ticking. If it were possible, I'd say it was mocking me.

I've tried counting sheep. Boring myself to sleep doesn't work. So, the question I then pose is: How do you get to sleep at night?